Best Manning for the Brand's

Last Saturday marked the wedding day of my good friends Tom and Natalie. I was privileged enough to be the best man!
Below is the speech I gave...

Good evening ladies and gentlemen. I hope you are all well and enjoying this very special day. My name is Simon and I am the very honoured best man to Mr and Mrs Thomas Brand.

Until early 2008 Tom had described himself as a ‘bachelor to the rapture’. He was adamant that female companionship wasn’t for him…

And then there was Natalie. He came back from Bryntyrian, Wales to Brighton for the weekend in January 2008 with a glazed look on his face. Almost like someone had shot him with a tranquilliser dart. That dart was love. The shooter very skillful and still is as Tom describes her as the perfect woman (reminding me on several occasions not to read too theologically into that statement).

So I feel privileged to first be here with you as we celebrate the fruit of your love and doubly privileged as I get to shame you, Tom for a few minutes in front of 150 people.

I first met Tom at our church- Montpelier Place four years ago. I had heard about him previous to our meeting. He had caused quite a stir amongst the more mature members of the congregation with his ripped jeans and long hair. To quote one lady reflecting on seeing Tom from behind:‘I didn’t know if he was a boy or a girl’. And another commenting on his ripped jeans: ‘we must be in the end times’. In case you’re not familiar with the phrase, ‘end times’ refers to serious moral and spiritual decay.

Tom did change his look. He cut his hair (it looks very nice…) and decided to go to the other extreme with the jeans. Instead of them being baggy one pair imparticular looks very very tight… painfully tight… anyway let’s move on from Tom’s appearance to his brain…

Is Tom an intellectual? I can honestly say that in the years I've known him, no one has ever questioned Tom's intelligence. In fact, I've never heard anyone even mention it. Obviously that’s a joke. Tom studied theology at the Wales Evangelical School of Theology (WEST) achieving a 2:1 degree and he has definitely used his knowledge during his time working for the church this year. In a sermon on John 14:1 where Jesus says: ‘Let not your hearts, be troubled; you believe in God believe also in me’ two out of Tom’s four points in his sermon were ….bearing in mind that Baptist churches like three points, three simple statements or words starting with the same letter… perichoresis and consubstantiality. The note takers in the church weren’t looking too pleased with the choice of words…

Tom’s articulation and vocabulary are also impressive. Previous to meeting Tom I spoke not many words and bad pro-non-see-ation also it was that my grammar was like very…. like bad. Tom helped- and told wot I had to do to be a person who uses their mouth …like better. After gaining audible help from Tom my own spoken English has improved incredibly.

**
Natalie, firstly you look wonderful, and secondly I have for you five pieces of advice concerning Tom that I think you’ll find helpful for married life:

1) Expect unexpected requests
Tom once asked his mother if he could have a toilet placed in the middle of the garden so that he could watch the planes going past whilst doing his business…

2) Keep your jewellery secure
From the age of about seven Tom developed a habit for collecting women’s jewellery, nice stones and chains. He even had his own special little box to keep his collection safe. I haven’t seen the box but I have been told that it is very fetching.

3) By deceiving Tom you can gain a large Star Wars figure collection
Natalie, here is a tried and tested formula (tried and tested by his brothers) that should work in giving you a large Star Wars collection.

a) Get Tom focused on a single figure
b) Talk to Tom about the good points of that figure
c) Watch as Tom offers practically every figure in his collection to gain new figure

4) Encourage Tom to use conventional ways of opening doors
In the past Tom has been known to try and open his brothers door using a canon. As a seven year old he would batter Robert’s door down with his wooden model.

5) Avoid telling Tom off near waist-high walls
When on a family holiday one year in Sardinia; Tom exposed a bit too much of himself. Standing near a waist-high wall next to his brother and sister Robert and Sarah, whilst being told off by his parents; Tom decided to pull a moony at his siblings. They tried desperately hard to keep a straight face in front of David and Angela with Tom’s rear in view!

**
On a more serious note Tom, here is some advice from Matthew Henry on why marriage is not misogynism or feminism but equality:

‘Eve was not taken out of Adam's head to top him, neither out of his feet to be trampled on by him, but out of his side to be equal with him, under his arm to be protected by him, and near his heart to be loved by him.’

**
Being a friend of both Tom and Natalie has enabled me to see how much Christ means to them as a couple. They are Christians. And they do not use this phrase lightly. I see in both Tom and Natalie’s life remarkable evidence that God is with them. They live in light of God’s love. They’ve realised the depth and the ugliness of their own and each other’s sin. But they don’t live in guilt or shame. Why? Because they know that there is a God who loves with such intensity it produces his own pain.
In that Jesus died for them. He was crucified. He took their punishment- He stood in their place. And God offers forgiveness through what Jesus did and hope to everyone in this room if you haven’t yet experienced it. He offers freedom from sin and life in Himself- real life.

This wedding has been and will continue to be a happy time. But it’s not the ultimate wedding. This wedding has been a day to celebrate the beautiful love that Tom and Natalie have for one another. The ultimate wedding will be bigger and better. It will be when Jesus marries His people to reflect His awesome love for them. Jesus invites you not just to attend this ultimate wedding, but to be the bride. Jesus welcomes us into perfect love and relationship with Him. I’m praying that we all would know and live in that love as Tom and Natalie clearly do.

I’d like to propose a toast ‘to the joy of love reflected in marriage’

Thank you

Best Manning for the Blanckensee's

Yesterday was the wedding of my good friends Tom and Michelle. I was lucky enough to be chosen as best man. As promised to those who didn't attend the reception here is my speech:

''Good evening, Ladies and Gentlemen- I’d like to thank you all for coming today and helping to make Tom and Michelle’s wedding such a special and memorable occasion. In case you don’t know me I’m Simon one of the honoured best men. Being chosen for this duty seems to suggest that I have been far too friendly towards Tom. Anyway I’m glad to have the privilege of speaking to you.

I’ve known Tom since the first year of University. Sussex Uni is a place full of people who are unsure… unsure about life, the future, themselves and what to drink that night. Tom was no different. I was drawn to him by a tee shirt he was wearing featuring a picture of Thomas the Tank Engine. I wasn’t entirely certain about the mental condition of Tom as I personally stopped wearing those tee shirts a good fifteen years previous. I then read the Caption: Doubting Thomas. As I peered at the shirt and came to the conclusion that I didn’t actually want to initiate any conversation with him due to his choice of clothing for a Monday Morning seminar, it all became clear. Tom was a church-goer. This made perfect sense to me. I’m a Christian and therefore am allowed to wear socks with sandals, continually eat quiche and sing kum-buy-ah out of pitch with raised hands. I’d like to point out that Tom and myself have never ever met up to participate in any of those three activities.

So we got chatting and became friends thanks to that faithful tee shirt. Since the three years of knowing Tom I’ve found him to be of a good moral conduct. Take for example his eating habits. Slow, carefully and skilfully he’ll enjoy a meal while making pleasant conversation…No…If you’ve ever eaten with Tom you’ll know that’s actually not true whatsoever. Tom has the skill of opening his gullet to food and shovelling it down as if the UK were about to enter a millennium of rationing.

Other things about Tom: Is he an intellectual? I can honestly say that in all the years I've known him, no one has ever questioned Tom's intelligence. In fact, I've never heard anyone even mention it. Well he did achieve a 2,1 in music from Sussex due to his powerful voice. He is a talented singer and as a result many of his friends and family have been forced to (against their own wills) become doubly talented listeners. Obviously it has been a great joy to go to concerts time and time again and listen to Tom sing in a language that I can’t understand. And the songs that he sings in English tend to involve maids and effeminate body movements….

After listing a few things Tom can do, for balance here are a few things he can’t:
He can’t get excited without flapping his arms and talking in a high voice.
He can’t not organise everything. Tom seems to be a professional in planning and ordering.
He finds it very hard not to be blunt. Tom has a tendency to get straight to the point in every circumstance.
He is unable to whip people with tee towels-He’s actually pathetic at this. He tends to try and get to you….he hasn’t got the right technique. I tried to teach him but my efforts were wasted.

On more of a serious note I want to make sure that Tom and Michelle are well suited for life-long marriage. So I decided to do a bit of research to examine their similarities and differences.

Meanings of names: Michelle your name comes from the Hebrew and means ‘to be like God’. Quite a good name to have as the Bible describes God as: loving, happy, perfect, creative, fair, kind, generous, gracious and patient.

Tom your name comes from the Aramaic and means twin (long pause). That’s it…. just twin …nothing special really....

Location: Michelle you are from Rainham in the county of Kent also known as the garden of England, for its excellent produce. Kent is full of orchards and hops, greenery, beautiful landscapes and views. Such amusements as the Chatham Dockyard, Canterbury cathedral, the array of sleepy villages, white cliffs of Dover, the extensive farming history and the rural atmosphere make Kent an attraction to many.

Tom you’re from Luton in Bedfordshire. Luton is famous for…..(look puzzled…glance at audience)…. its Airport.

Despite that I do think that you will be compatible for marriage. I want to share this piece of wisdom that I hope will bless and encourage you in your walk together.
The stand up comedian Henry Youngman once said:
‘My wife and I have the secret to making a marriage last. Two times a week, we go to a nice restaurant, a little wine, good food..... She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.’
Or maybe we can say that any married man should forget his mistakes - there's no use in two people remembering the same thing.

On a more serious note in case difficulties or disagreements arise Michelle I’ve got you a small present-something carefully selected and very useful. Use it when needed-it’s guaranteed to make Tom favour your viewpoint. You’re likely to win an argument if you just apply this gift. ….(present Michelle with Luton Town FC Top and Hat)…….Now I know that it’ll be tough to wear…Don’t wear it when you don’t need to.

Since I have known Tom and Michelle as a couple it has been very encouraging to see that Jesus is the centre of their relationship. It’s not that they don’t love each other-they do…they adore each other. But they are involved in a three way relationship. Christ is the foundation and joy of this marriage-they want all that they do to honour and to adore Him. I find that so very humbling and exemplary.

This wedding has been all about Jesus-that’s they way Tom and Michelle wanted it. What I can see clearly is that they are evidently satisfied with Jesus. That’s the point of there lives to be satisfied with Christ-it’s to find worshipping Jesus the most pleasurable thing they do. When they don’t find Christ enjoyable-when there not overwhelmed with His goodness they call it sin. It’s rebelling against the God that made us. It’s telling the real God that he is not interesting, he’s not exciting, he’s not enjoyable. And we’ve all done this…we’ve all rejected Him. Despite this Tom and Michelle don’t walk in shame or guilt they live in the forgiveness that God has promised to everyone who will trust in Him. Jesus died to take away our sins. He died to free us from sins. He was punished for our sins.
God invites everyone to know this forgiveness of all sin, He invites everyone to come and enjoy Him-to praise Him.

I think that Michelle finds Tom attractive….(turn to Michelle) Am I right?…In the same way God wants everyone in this room to find Him massively attractive and beautiful. Come to God and hate your sin. That’s it.

Tom and Michelle I feel deeply privileged and I thank you for your friendship and love. I’m praying for God’s continued blessing on your life.

Tom I hope this quote will help you in your relationship with Michelle: Matthew Henry said ‘Eve was not taken out of Adam's head to top him, neither out of his feet to be trampled on by him, but out of his side to be equal with him, under his arm to be protected by him, and near his heart to be loved by him.’

Will you all join me in raising your glasses in a toast to the bridesmaids Rachel, Kate and Sarah. You all look very wonderful.

Thank you''